Have a question?
Confused about life?
Wondering what that thing on your face is?
Ask a cheek!
The Cheeks in the City advice column is free and open to all.
|Seeker:||I'm lost and cold and the voices won't leave me alone. Can I hide inside your cheek?|
|Cheek1:||Yes. A cheek is a stretchable and warm substance. I am compassionate, moist and slightly bumpy on the inside. I bleed once a month, but with you inside, I will stop bleeding for at least three months, up to nine months. You can hide inside my cheek, a cheek within a cheek within a cheek, if you shall be my egg.|
|Lucas De Lima:||ha. you cheeks I had the weirdest dream last night that I might be able to write about on the cheek. It was basically apocalyptic--the rules of society had changed. Julianne Moore was telling us all in the 'community' (there were maybe 30 people in this cafeteria-like room) about how we can't eat any organic food. She demonstrated with a film or something what happens when you eat something from the ground: your mouth, nose, and eyes seal up and you die inside yourself.|
|You become all cheek.|
|Feng Chen:||omg i had apocalyptic dream too. in mine, a disgruntled housewife starts out trying to get her lock changed, but ends up trying to have sex with a young locksmith. He invokes other children by talking to clay kodomari. He is (underage) who turns out to have a disease that makes his body melt slightly. She tied him to some kind of rotating table device. And then murders start to happen but I don' t know how they are related. In the end, a bunch of children are killed.|
|Lucas De Lima:||Wow, that's fengtastic|
|Jesse Lenna:||OMG my friend just emailed me that she had an apocalyptic dream last night too. I am worried psychic friends|
|Feng Chen:||it's turning yellow outside|
|Lucas De Lima:||whoa!|
|it really is|
|Feng Chen:||we have to make a teepee with sticks|
|and then we can hold hands|
|Lucas De Lima:||at least we will die connected by this message thread|
|it is our teepee|
|Feng Chen:||my hands touch plastic keys connected to your internet hands|
|Alex:||yes i'm sorry. i need to get you to advice me on burger choices|
|me:||well, first of all, you need to consider your life goals, and your authentic appetite|
|your authentic appetite depends on the structure innate and spiritual of your stomach, which you can feel by lying down and probing with your fingers|
|if your stomach is shaped like a star, then I recommend getting a softer burger|
|Alex:||i do not use fingers to probe my stomach. my stomach probes itself through my fingers|
|me:||if it is shaped like a hand, then you should probably get a turkey burger|
|ah I see|
|in this case, I would recommend feeling the texture of the burger before choosing it|
|Alex:||what if my stomach is, itself, shaped like a soft burger|
|me:||if it is shaped like a soft burger, then you must first accept cannibalism|
|Alex:||can we really accept cannibalism? i thought cannibalism was the one in charge|
|me:||it is very difficult|
|but it is possible|
|me:||thanks for your question|
|Alex:||i have eaten off my own face|